“Most people think that the world is outside them. They live life backward, running after security and approval, as if by making enough money or getting enough praise they could be happy once and for all. But nothing outside us can give us what we’re really looking for.” – A Thousand Names for Joy by Byron Katie
Because I grew up in an environment where my worth was pegged to everything external, I completely understand what it means to “live life backward”.
I had a strong moral code. I tried to be good and do good in the world. But underneath all that, I was completely attached to the outcome of my teaching, my events and even my volunteer work. I was literally “doing good” to feel good and believe that I was good.
Even my religion was borne out of this emotional deficit. As a child, I started praying to the Buddha because I was quite afraid of being in the dark by myself. I had watched too many ghost movies!
It just happens naturally. As the mind calms down, what arises is my awareness of Reiki. It often feels like a quiet stream flowing through my hands to other parts of my body.
When you tune into Reiki, you tune into yourself.
I felt comfortable as I was during the “me-time” I had allocated for Reiki. I began to feel that I can be self-sufficient: I can help feel good anytime, anywhere and I have a practice to enhance my well-being every day, right in the palms of my hands.
And I started to be more aware of my body, my thoughts, my feelings and my intuition. I began to realise that I could find the answers within myself. And things were often neither good nor bad, no matter which decisions I made. I began to unplug from the conditioning ingrained by others.
Reiki also paved the way for my meditation practice; after doing Reiki I felt relaxed yet aware. I could sit by myself and just watch my breath. This marked the start of a new chapter in my life.